sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just tell him i said nine months
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize