yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
