What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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