i jhust puked up my retainher.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
