its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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