Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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