Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
