how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
