She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
