KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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