the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
