Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
