idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
