she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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