We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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