I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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