I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
