That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
love makes seman taste better
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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