Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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