i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
