i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
