i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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