Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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