Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
