he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
