I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drake has all the answers
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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