Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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