brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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