I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just had sex bonerless
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
