Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize