That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
