I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
