I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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