direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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