peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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