i already hear my dad disowning me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
