She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
