i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
