carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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