Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
