so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
