I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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