I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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