do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
