Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
