Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
