in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
