I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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