the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
