If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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