69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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