last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
