There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
