I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
