you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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