I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
