my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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