We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
