I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize