Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We need to rekindle our bromance
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
