Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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