I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
