We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
