Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
