You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize