he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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