we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
