Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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