my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
