I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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