having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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