I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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