Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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