Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize