mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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