drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
