The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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