I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
