Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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