so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
