No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
PANTIES FOUND
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
