This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
