Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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