I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
