Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
