My nipple is on Facebook.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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