'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
