new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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