He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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