Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
