Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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