your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
false alarm, still single
Randomize