Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
