i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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