You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
