Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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