i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
